With no doubt in my mind what has been such an amazing but difficult transition in my life has been the Post-Mission life transition. For two years I spent living a certain lifestyle which demanded a high standard or conduct and discipline. I also was expected to not only set but fulfill goals. My life was depended on how I was able to fulfill and live up to the potential in blessing the lives of many people. I served my mission in Guatemala City. In different little towns and cities. I was so blessed and privileged to first if all serve my life story is a big blockbuster film in its own so I give you brief details of it. Who I am today is truly a new unique individual. My life back home in California was completely different. I had many blessings and privileges until I decided to waste them because of my lack of willingness to live what I said I believed. Despite going through all that I made the decision to serve. I served honorably and I return homed in November of 2011. Except I didn't return home to California I returned to Utah.
When my family told me they were moving to Utah I was very surprised everything changed all the plans of them to pick me up and go through my areas everything changed but I realize no why this has happened. When I was released as a missionary I expected it to be like a complete change like I would feel some type of energy leave me or as if i was losing some type of special power. None of that was felt or experienced what I did though think in my mind was this "I was free to do what I wanted". That ladies and gentlemen is the very reason why you may find returned missionaries elders or sister in-active or ex-communicated from the church of the very common going through the motions or not living to the level their testimony is at. That was the very first temptation the adversary presented to me in my mind. I was free to do what I wanted. What R.J. Black wanted". Even though that has occurred in my mind I still had present in my heart the desire to continue to served the Lord. My dream of course was to one day well serve as a missionary again or something similar but I knew that would probably be unlikely. My life though did change. I was faced with new challenges. New obstacles and of course new expectations. Without the thought of in my mind the very questions were thrown at me especially the big one. "So when do you want to get married?" "So how are the girls?" With those questions being asked quite often it was certain that this must be the most important decision of my life. Well one thing on the list 1. Get Married. Though I have changed that's focus it's not just preparing for marriage it's preparing for celestial marriage the sealing and covenant my wife and I will make we each other and God.
Life was somewhat difficult to adjust to in the beginning. Well being new to West Jordan Utah and new to Utah in general life would be a little complicated. No job to return to exactly. No school officially enrolled at or left behind to pursue. Of course no really established friends of any sort. Lastly and the least of my concerns at the beginning a girlfriend dressed in white waiting for me to take he to the Temple. Gratefully though I had the greatest things awaiting me on my arrival. My family with arms and love opened to extend to me. I didn't wait a while until I finally found a secure job. I was blessed to receive one due to my fluency in the Spanish language and well my from my former stake President's recommendation to his son in his business. Of course not forgetting the fact that well my homecoming was very well-warm received because the members were very loving and supportive. I also was blessed of course to have very good local leaders. I was introduced to the right people especially when I decided to go to the singles ward. My best friend became the ward mission leader. Without due time my life would change as I would dedicate my life to pursuing the Lord's will rather than my own. I was though very pushes towards watching an viewing the lives of my former mission colleagues. Not being part of the BYU club I couldn't participate in the spending time or hanging out with them but I did do my thing where I was at. Playing sports and going on dates became a nice combination. Of course spending a lot of time at the Temple. Once I received my call to serve in the temple things would change. Institute classes and dances were amazingly fun and enjoyable. Except I feel like I am missing something. I guess it all started or was setback when I choose to make a very tough decision.
You see when I was serving as a missionary I served with a very great and wonderful sister missionary. Now lets face it I never in anyway let my heart get away or leave the work in any motive. Though I locked away those feelings and forgot them. They were though awaken when she kept in contact with me once we both got home. I don't know if I interpreted the thing wrongly or she just never told me her feelings about it. Because of coincidences and signs that were convincing I had to agree and think that this daughter of God had some type of interest in me. Maybe I was wrong though I guess I will never find out unless she is the one and later I will write this in another post. The point being we both me up and we had lunch together we set up the event together and well we went out and had a good time. Reminiscing the good old times of the mission and the events that changed our lives. We good laughs and wonders I was feeling quite myself and I was enjoying every single moment of it I didn't want it to end honestly. I felt so as myself without trying to work so hard to not bring up the topic of the mission. Well the thing is dating girls who have no idea of the mission experience have no clue or idea the pressures or the events that change your life. They may not understand the importance those things have on a person's life especially the ones who went out with me didn't know but I had really rough times with previous girls tell me that returned missionaries were very awkward and weird. Because every little thing reminded them of the mission. I was very sad and embarrassed that the fact someone would have the guts to say that to someone. I was that very weird or estranged person they were talking about and it really hurt me. So with after the fact and the wonderful time I had with this Sister I had to make the decision. Ask her how she felt about dating each other or hanging out more often or well figuring out what's going on between us as a future couple. Yes or No was a specific answer I expected to hear. When I made the phone call I was so very nervous in fact I had to repeat to her twice what I wanted to get off my chest really fast the question in hearing. Well my answer was neither Yes or No which to me was either good and or bad. Because in life lets face there is no grey it's either black or white. In this moment despite being white and having my last name as black I had no idea which one she was. So life move on and we frequently, occasionally chatted. Text message here, and there and well I tried to set up a time to spend with her the Birthday time was perfect but I got well automatically beat. Valentine's Day would be an appropriate on either so I figure I would scratch that one out. My goal was to well just prepare myself in all ways. She had her career she was going to pursue. I had my dreams and goals that needed sometime to achieved so maybe all we needed was some time. Well time will tell in this fairy-tale story I guess. The fact is being home from the mission hasn't been hard at all. the tough part is staying discipline you remember the "I'm free to do what I want thing". So I have to be careful about that. Besides life shouldn't be that hard to endure through if the Lord is with you and He is blessing you all the time. Overall my happiness and joy is great. With a saved amount of money I might have the blessing of returning to my mission and get to visit with the people I truly love and admire. Who knows maybe this girl is the one. For sure I will fulfill some type of goal I have set in my educational degree and I will find something that will become my ultimate and supportive career. My talents of course will grow as I serve and help others in the Lord's work. The most important thing though is this something an Apostol once said. I heard this while I was in the MTC (Mission Training Center) before departing for Guatemala in the mission field. He said whatever we teach the very gospel and principle we teach to those who search for truth must feel the absolute assurance from the spirit of God that the message they are receiving is coming from heaven above. If that is felt conversion is established and perfection has become the final destination of this person's existence. My hope and prayer is that everyone who is or was or will become a return missionary will remember the things you taught as a missionary. Will you never forget the principle and covenants that are so importantly required in this life for true happiness and an eternal destiny of joy and peace with God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ of this I testify and do so humbly declare in the name of Jesus Christ Amen
